No Cell Phone, Please

I have explained this particular quirk of mine to many people. It isn't because I am proud of it, or because I am some kind of neo-Luddite, but rather simply that I have not felt the need to own a cell phone.

While you're catching your breath and making your exasperated arguments in favor of this decade's favorite toy, let me explain the Luddites. In the late 1700's and well into the next century, the king of industrial labor in England was textiles, the manufacture of fabrics. This work had traditionally been done in small quantities by hand, but during the Industrial Revolution mass production became the mantra of business. Massive factories were being constructed all over Britain for the purpose of creating vast quantities of woven fabrics. These were to be made on giant looms that were automated, at least partially. Humans, especially humans with small hands, like children, were still needed to maintain the operation of the automated machines which were prone to jamming. The nature of these machines were such that they were not shut down in order to free a jam, so children repairing them often lost fingers in the process, or worse.

Ned Ludd, an Englishman working in the textile mill, saw the advent of these machines as the death of skilled laborers like himself. His solution was to destroy the automated looms. Taking his example, in the early years of the 1800's, a rebellion of textile workers arose during which many factories were destroyed. These followers of Ludd, called Luddites, were opposed to new technology which replaces skilled workers, or eliminates their own utility. In their era it simply was not possible to change careers when the apprenticeship program took an average of ten years. Losing one's job was very nearly a death sentence.

Today the term Luddite has been used to describe anyone opposed to technology for a varitey of reasons, but usually associated with folks who oppose using it at the workplace. Where do cell phones fit into this? Sorry, this is what's known as a long walk to the well.

I think cell phones are great. Really. I also think people have come to rely on them far too much, and use them for way too many purposes that are mere distractions. Put into the context of the driving issue, they have become quite dangerous. They also have taken the place of real human contact for a lot of users. Not to put too fine a point on it, but a multi-purpose convenience tool can essentially make you lazy if you let it. Dealing with middle school students has not convinced me either that the phones should be standard equipment in life.

Please don't leave comments about how your cell phone saved your life, or how your business couldn't function without it. I get it. I just ask for a little understanding when I say that I am not that important. I do not need to be that accessible. I have computers and phones in my home. I have computers and phones in my workplace. Virtually everyone I know has a cell phone, so what purpose is served by getting one of my own other than to say I have one? I have survived three pregnancies and births without a cell phone. Everyone involved is doing fine, thanks. And in a couple of decades of driving I have yet to experience the "stranded in the middle of nowhere in a panic" scenario that folks use to convince me that I need a cell phone. (When it does happen, boy, will I be sorry I didn't listen. There, I said it for you.)

Again, I am not opposed to them at all. The iPhone is actually very cool from what I have seen. But I just have yet to make that leap which will allow me to justify the considerable cost and hassle of owning one. Back in the early nineties I was the first and only person I knew who owned a Palm Pilot. I have bought several upgrades of that device over the years. Actually I got in trouble once at a meeting because the parent had accused me of ignoring her and playing on my calculator. I was taking notes on my Palm, but they were still quite unknown to the general public.

Each day when I come home there are perhaps seven or eight messages on the phone. I don't usually listen to them because mostly they are not for me. The people who really need me know how to reach me, or how to find me in person.

(In case you are curious, I also have avoided the following trends that dominate life for many others: smoking, the Adkins Diet, recreational drugs, liposuction, and tanning beds.)

You don't need to pity me, nor must you look away from my hideous condition. I'm quite alright with my Dell laptop, below-average phone bill, and computers and phones by the expanding millions all around me. Incidentally I have had the need, once or twice, to make a call while I was out. Here's the crazy part. I appealed to the spirit of civility around me; I asked someone if I could borrow her phone-- a total stranger!--and she was happy to let me do it. In a desperate and insane world, you sometimes have to resort to rebellious behavior to make a point. Thanks, Ned. You know how to reach me.

Live well.