Knowing that my gorgeous wife had just been out shopping for new jeans, I asked, just out of curiosity, "what size are you wearing now?" Before you curse my lineage or poison my quinoa, I was doing a good thing. She has been working steadily for a long time now, training for a 105-mile bike ride in Death Valley for type-1 diabetes research. She has been transforming herself. I considered this before asking, figuring it might be a good build-up moment. What could go wrong?
Although I will not write the number here, I will enter into the main reason for writing today. Female clothing sizes are absolutely meaningless and without reason or merit. The number attached to a pair of jeans for a woman has about the same value as the contents of a Chinese buffet's fortune cookie.
This is what I learned from the conversation. The numbers have no actual reference to the physical world. There are generally consistent ways of numbering the sizes, but the variations are important. If the clothing is more expensive, you may be able to wear a smaller size, according to the number, at least. If you are shopping for bargain pants, you might be surprised by a larger size than you expected to see. In this nefarious system, there is actually a size zero.
I imagined that there might also be a negative size, which, if you are able to wear it, actually transports you to Bizarro World. "Me wear minus two dress, go to Bizarro Club now -pop!-"
Happy shopping!
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2 comments:
You are so funny...and absolutely right! I feel on top of the world when I'm at Banana Republic b/c I think they call size 8 a 6 and size 6 a 4, etc. So, you think you are one size smaller than normal when really you are being tricked by the evil monkeys running the show over there!
Thanks, Kelley. Evil monkeys...
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